WAITING

HEARING VOICES

One of the outcomes from my course at Dr Hinkelmanns's academy for the advancement in manners and social standing was an explanation as to why I had been hearing voices most of my life. Dr Hinkelmann told me that I had an alter ego sitting on my shoulder making suggestions that would drive my bad behaviour and that I had to learn how to  only listen to the good suggestions. After being told that, I concentrated hard when looking in the mirror and one day I could see my alter ego.

I named him Noel. For the life of me though I don't know why he was a schwarzer. He would try to embarrass me at every opportunity by making me stare down women's blouses, ogle their legs and bottoms and even, once, to stand under the stairs and look up their skirts. Noel was bad. When caught out I would try to explain that it wasn't my fault, it was Noel's but as people couldn't see him they just gave me funny looks and moved away quickly. Sometimes I would get slapped. This was socially embarrassing but privately very enjoyable and would lead me to another level of erogenous experimentation. More later.

SELF IMPROVEMENT

My lack of success in finding the right companion of the opposite sex (and not a weird one) made me wonder if there was something wrong with me. The self doubt led me to investigate ways of making myself more charming, more desirable and an overall better person. I enrolled in Dr Hinkelmanns's academy for the advancement in manners and social standing. This was a 12 week course of very strenuous exercise, healthy eating, facial and scalp massages and instruction in polite conversation, politics, economics and social graces. The results were outstanding. I was ready to face the world again. More later.

GOING DOWN

Having given up on Minnie I decided to have a go at Matilda, her older sister. Matilda wasn't as good looking as Minnie but as I was getting older I thought that I should lower my standards a little like some friends of mine who would court the ugliest, fattest and most unpleasant females in the hope of 'getting lucky'.
Matilda I must admit was strange, even by my standards. She used to like to dress up and have me do the same. "Oh well" I thought, its means to an end. One day I thought that I had 'got lucky' when Matilda said that she had discovered the joys of diving and invited me to her rooms to indulge.

The reality was a bit different from what I had envisaged. More later.

FIRST ROUND

The mad Manowski sisters played with my affections for a while and no matter how hard I tried to play with them they wouldn't let me near other than being astride a bicycle. I grew frustrated and decided that the only way forward was to make  declarations of love supported by the true intention of marriage.
I approached Minnie Manowski first, thinking that as the youngest she might be the most vulnerable. 
What I didn't know was that somewhere back in her past she had been mistreated or jilted or something and was very defensive in her dealings with young men. All of my attempts at intimacy, no matter that they were couched in fervent declarations of true intention, were rebuffed. I had, in my rooms, contemplated how I might slip my hands down her blouse or up her skirts but the reality was quite different. I was unable to get even near an embrace without a severe boxing around my ears. 

Alas, after months of trying and suffering from mild concussion, I abandoned my pursuit of Minnie. More later.

PLANCKING

The teenagers are thinking that they have invented the new craze 'planking'.

 Huh. When I was young we used to do the real thing with old Max.

Max was my physics tutor in Berlin and on Friday nights we would have fun watching him get pissed in the beer hall. He would usually proclaim "My unavailing attempts to somehow reintegrate the action quantum into classical theory has extended over several years and caused me much trouble" before going completely rigid. My fellow students and I would carry him out each week and position him on top of different places of interest around the city. We called it 'Plancking'.

Nothing new under the sun I guess.

KNEE TREMBLER

Eventually my endless perambulation came to the notice of some ladies. They also had an interest in bi-axle rotating transportation, albeit for different reasons than my own. I was seeking solace between firm yet mysteriously soft thighs. They were just crazy. The mad Manowski sisters, unknown to me, had a reputation around town.

They were rich. Filthy rich but unfortunately the filthy aspect was just a measure of their wealth, not of their disposition. After a few Sunday's circuits of the park and nearby boulevards they invited me home to their villa. Villa was an understatement. They lived in a huge and well maintained city residenz that gave me a strange tingling in the nether regions.

We dined, listened to music (a most disagreeable double bass performance) and retired to a drawing room for schnapps and brandy. Even though Agnes the hen had rather diminished my functional capabilities at an early age I still thought that this night was going to be the big experience. Imagine my disappointment and frankly my concern when the 'drawing room' was in fact some sort of gymnasium and the sisters were all set to play. Play what I wondered. More later.